About Bullies
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What to do If Your Kid is Bullied
Every year millions of kids are bullied, and the pain lasts a lifetime. Most of us can remember some time a child taunted us, hurt us, exploited us or otherwise made our lives miserable at school or elsewhere. The experiences mark us even today, and shape our values. This is why giving our children lives that are bully free is so important: bullying isn’t just child’s play, it’s serious stuff. If your child is the victim of bullying, here’s some things you need to know.
Believe Your Child
Too many kids have their very real pains brushed off by adults who have forgotten how tough it can be to be a child. If a bully or bullies are making your child’s time difficult, it can be even harder to admit their perceived weakness to a parent. Perception is reality: if your child is troubled enough to come to you, you must take that seriously.
This is also the time when you want to rebuild their self esteem. Make sure they know that they’ve done nothing wrong and that they don’t deserve to be treated that way. Tell them you love them and emphasize the fact that they have a right to dignity and respect.
Work From Your Values
Different families have different religious, moral or political values which have something to say about bullying. Despite all the trouble bullies produce, this can be an excellent time to share your ideals with your child and instruct them in the ways you think best.
Some people practice a “turn the other cheek” morality, and want to stress walking away. Others recognize that bullies need to be stood up to, and will encourage their children to stand their ground. Both paths have their value, and they can be combined. Whatever you do, make sure you tell your child that you have their back—and fight for them when and if the time comes.
Contact the Authorities or Parents
If your child is being bullied at school or day care, there is a high likelihood they already have a bully free school program. If not, you should speak to administration about this shortfall even as you address the specific bully or bullies in your child’s case. You need to follow up to make sure they don’t simply make things worse for your child: getting labeled a snitch can be painful for a kid, particularly if the bully seeks revenge. School administrators are busy people with a lot more kids than you—make sure they keep your kid safe even after an office visit.
If things are occurring outside of school, or administrators are unable (for whatever reason) to provide adequate protection for your child you should consider tracking down the bully’s parents. Tread very carefully when doing so—it is well-known that bullies in childhood are often acting out as a result of stressful or even abusive home lives. If you see any such conditions in your contacts with the child’s parents, or if you are threatened by them, you can probably get the police involved. If the child has yet to break the law in any way, they may stay out—but stealing milk money, assaulting your child (this includes shoves) or making terroristic threats are all crimes. You probably don’t want the kid locked up, but a warning now might save him or her more legal problems in the future.
Growing Bully Free Kids
The cliché is true in this case: bullies are cowards, picking on people they perceive as smaller and weaker so that they might restore self esteem damaged by someone bigger and stronger than they are. Most of the time standing up to a bully, refusing to be scared, recognizing your rights and being willing to fight for them will disarm a bully without needing violence.
Make sure your kids know not just that they are “special” and loved, but also that there are things nobody has a right to say to them or do to them, and that they have your permission to resist the people who would. This is the basic way of life for a free society, and the definition of a hero is someone who shuts a bully down.
